Monday, June 2, 2014

shopping.

It was always a nightmare for me.

I remember as a teenager going to the mall with friends and trying on NOTHING for fear of embarrassment over size, it not fitting or looking awful so I'd watch and help them choose the perfect outfit :( and that didn't change as I grew older.  Shopping was always a dreaded activity.  I didn't look forward to heading to the beach with friends because that meant a bathing suit-eeek! and I sure didn't like weekends out because I'd wear the same thing over and over because it was comfort to me and "hid" my insecurities and my weight.  Even as a child I remember being uncomfortable in most of the things I would wear.  Sometimes they'd be too tight and I'd squeeze them on...it all brings back bad memories 
and as an emotional person, I hold onto things like that as added fuel for my fight back! 

As women we should feel beautiful and confident but I was far the opposite.
In the past years it was easier to find clothes that fit, looked okay and I felt pretty good but it wasn't until this weekend that I truly realized how far I've come...

The hard work DOES pay off.  The process WORKS.  It is effective and it makes all the hard days worth it.  There are no days off, no days that come easy and I am a constant reminder to myself that I must keep at it no matter what life throws my way.  I must help in being the example that the only sure way to change and find success is to NEVER QUIT!

I went shopping with my Mom and while I still do not enjoy shopping, I decided to explore some new stores and try a few things on.  To my surprise I was fitting into smaller shorts and tops...WOW.  The best part?  They looked good, they fit and I wasn't wearing the XL I had come to love for years...
Shopping is an itty bitty victory but I'll take it!
Sounds petty to many, but the mall would give me anxiety.  I hated knowing I had somewhere "nice" to be because it meant shopping, trying on clothes and ripping myself apart mentally and physically.  This past weekend was the FIRST time in my life where I felt GOOD about it.  It's days and experiences like this that matter so much to me.  All of the "life's not fair" moments are null and void when you can feel confident as a woman, right?  AND please understand that our size does not define us or make us confident, but in my personal journey, this is a HUGE deal for me.  A girl with MANY insecurities able to find beauty within herself and know that the journey and sacrifices were worth it and always will be :)

That moment was key for me...
and just another notch on my journey to my healthiest self!

What about YOU?
What things push you forward and make you confident on this journey??!




1 comment:

fancy nancy said...

pulling up the zipper and exhaling! I put on a skirt today that I used to have to leave the top of the zipper open...today zipped right up!!!

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